There are no feelings that compare to a new love blossoming. The long calls, sweet dreams, and butterflies paint a beautiful picture; but what do we do when our romance movie turns into a horror film?! Our relationships in life define us and sustain us; but they can also break us. No matter how a relationship ended, severing any connection with a person is like experiencing a death. Therefore, processing through the grief process is necessary to heal and move forward from a breakup and mend your heart.
Autopsy. Commonly postmortem, an autopsy is performed to determine the method and cause of a death. After a breakup occurs, it is essential that you perform an autopsy on the relationship to determine why it failed and what role you had in its demise. Discovering why the relationship failed will allow you to understand why the breakup was necessary and often times inevitable. When we don’t evaluate and reflect on past relationships, we miss the opportunity to grow and learn from past mistakes.
Funeral. It is important to note that you cannot heal if you try to ignore or suppress your feelings. You must mourn the loss of the person in your life and allow yourself to reflect on both the good and bad moments without idealizing the person. During this time, social support from friends and family is very important as you try to move forward without this person in your life. Allow yourself to cry, feel, and hurt; if you don’t do it sooner, you will have to process those same emotions later.
Burial. As the casket is lowered in the ground, so must you bury the relationship. Even if you feel as though there is a possibility that you might rekindle the relationship, it is important that you make no assumptions and still make efforts to move forward without them. Hope can be very destructive, and closure is a myth. If someone has ended a relationship with you, then you must begin to take steps to feel whole while you are alone. The way to kill a fire is to stop feeding it; therefore, the breakup process is easier when you don’t leave your heart open by limiting communication and avoiding internet stalking their social media pages. This is the time where you must stop indulging in thoughts and feelings that keep them the main character in your story.
Liberation. No one likes the quote ‘time heals all wounds’, even though it is true. There is no set time period to heal from a breakup, because every situation is different. However, every day you move forward is progress. Replacement is important during this step to fill your time without feeling a void. As you remove old memories and replace them with new hobbies, passions, and experiences you will begin to feel the chains of loss and grief slowly fall off.
You should always remember that you are the prize. What you want and miss in a relationship exists in someone else also; however, God can not reveal your next if you are not over your ex. Mending your heart after a breakup is not a process you have to do alone. God is close to those who are broken hearted, and if you allow Him to heal you, you will see why that person had to leave so that you could experience God’s best for you.
I know it is difficult, but this is a battle you can win. You are stronger than you know.
Psalm 34:18 – ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’
1 Peter 5:7 – ‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.’